Nurse, will I die soon?

Death is the nature of life cycle. The minute some people smile to the babies that are just born to this world, someone cries for lost their loved one in that minute. It just takes place at different place all over the world. Nobody like to talk about death for them keep death as a taboo which no one will like to face of. 

Some people see death as the penalty of the life while some people see death as the end of suffering. Meanwhile, some people see death as the time to return to God. The way that people see death may be different but death is still the most painful moment for everyone including you and me. No one knows what happen after death and only He know what He has prepared for us.

It is neither easy for let someone express their fear of death nor losing someone who they love. When they pass away, they left the most precious memory to us who are still alive. We may cry for the loss and even upset why He take away them from us but that is the truth of the life.

When we are used to be kids last time, we make our parents busy to look after us especially when we run up and down while they chasing from the back just to get us dress up. Then when we grow up to be teenagers, we made our parents busy to worry about us when we always quarrel with them for not understanding us. Next, when we works at oversea or somewhere far from our home, we make them worry to think what we eat, how we are there and some of us may not even think to call home. Do you really understand the feeling of waiting? Perhaps every parents will wait for their children to call home just to know they are doing well. Yet, some people never appreciate the chance to call home until one day, they receive the news that one of their parents has passed away. At that time, nothing can be done except grieving and regret for not appreciate them while they are alive. So, if you still have parents to call of, have you ever call them and tell them how much you love them? Let the caring be sounded.

Few months back while I worked at Oncology Ward in a hospital, there was a young man same age as mine had diagnosed as nasopharyngeal cancer stage two. He is unmarried and uncouple yet he has been tested on the remaining time that he probably may has. He has a such wonderful and lovely mother who care for him in the hospital all the time. 

When I first saw him, he was thinking alone while lying on the bed. His mother was not with him at that time. I performed my daily nursing routine and took vital signs for him. Then, we started to be friends. I was shocked initially when I saw his age, diagnosing as nasopharyngeal cancer. Deep inside my heart, I said, "He is still young. What he is going to do after this?"

Then I talked with him, interviewed him and his facial expression can tell me how he feel about his disease. Suddenly, he asked me a question which I not ready to answer him.

"Nurse, will I die soon? Everyone know cancer can kill people." He looked at me with full of despair and hopelessness. Somehow I can feel the heat of the fear from him.

I paused, and silent after heard this question. 

"What I'm going to to tell him?", my heart said.

Finally, I smiled and came with an answer, "As long as you never give up with your life, you will still have the chance to live. So, keep on trying."

He nodded his head and smiled back to me. Perhaps my answer had opened his heart which no one told him like that before.

His question also opened my eyes which I never think of. While I'm busy to catch up my dream, I forgot that I also never know when I will leave this world and other family members also have the battle for the remaining time. Aging process will take place no matter how we try to stop it and soon it will be ended with death.

Hence, appreciate everyone you love and tell them how much you love them while both you and them still has the chance.

This story dedicated to all cancer patients who are still fighting against cancer and let's us support them with our warmest love.

Did I care just because I am a nurse?

Continued from my first post (Who are really care?)

Most people think that it is a wife's responsibility to take care her husband when he is ill or dying. However, they forget that a wife is also human who has her own needs. Caring for a dying husband most probably perceived as a punishment for the wife because obviously she has to witness the her beloved husband's journey to death.To care for a dying person, we need an extraordinary strength and family support to keep ourselves survive after we join the battle with those who are dying. 

How about the care for a people who has brain death but his body still alive? He probably can listen to what you say to him and can see what you do to him but he just can't give any respond to you. Maybe he want to tell you that he is tired lying on the bed or he want to walk around and see the beautiful flowers in the garden instead of facing the same ceiling all the times. He may need you to bath, feed, change clothes, brush teeth etc for him. In some people's perception, he is a burden to the family but if you are a nurse, do you see him as a responsibility or anything else?

There was another fine day before the wife had to leave him alone at hospital. 

"Can you please help me take care of my husband?" She approached me and explained that she had to leave her husband for few days due to some personal issues. The moment I nodded my head, I could see how relieved she was. She told me everything what his husband required during hospitalisation such as feeding via nasogastric tube every three hour and position him every four hours. 

The next day, I was in my morning shift. I saw he was alone, blinking his eyes towards the ceiling. Nobody talked to him as his wife did and nobody cares what he may need except for some nursing interventions. It was a busy day  for me that we needed to in-charged more than thirty patients in that ward. So, I can't spend long time with him as his wife did. 

When I was busy with my works, suddenly one of the caregivers approached me to tell me that the she needed help from me for the stroke patient. This was because the gauze that inserted into his mouth was wet which aims to prevent him from clenching teeth or bite his own tongue. To insert back the gauze into his mouth, it needed two people as one will insert the gauze while the other will insert suctioning tube into his tracheostomy to stimulate his gag reflex and open his mouth. He was suffering during the insertion of suctioning tube as he gag and tears rolled from his eyes. He couldn't tell me that he didn't like it but I knew it was really uncomfortable. I tried to insert the gauze into his mouth and it was successfully done. 

After that, I saw he was fulled with sweat and drooling of saliva. So, I used his face towel and wet it to wipe his face and body in order make him felt comfortable. When I wiped his face, his eyes looked directly contact into my eyes. Through his eyes, somehow I can feel his feeling of grateful and he seemed like wanted to thank me for helped him out. I'm pretty sure that if he was able to speak, he definitely will say "thank you, nurse."  I talked to him during positioning and suddenly there was a piece of mind that played in my mind.

I remembered that how touching it was to see his wife pouring her love to care him. During that moment, it was now my turn to feel the experience of to caring a completely paralyzed patient. When I did the same thing as her wife asked for, I felt the love from my heart to this patient. "A sincere love from a nurse to a patient." Perhaps it is exactly as what I may feel if I have family member fall into his condition. So, did I care him just because I am a nurse?

My answer is "no". Nurses should not only take the value of caring as a responsibility but it should be taken as the nature of nursing. I care for him not because it is my responsibility as a nurse but it is because I have compassion heart that blessed with God's love. That is what I will do exactly the same to all my patients. Caring for them..

Who are really care?

Lying on the sick bed, his eyes were opened. He can hear each voices around him but he can't turn his head or even move any parts of his body towards the source of the voice. He just looked at me. When I looked into his eyes, I knew that he wanted to speak and jump like the other normal persons. He is a young man who should catch for his dream outside and not to stay here, doing nothing. Yet, it was planned by God. In this young age, he had stroke attack that killed every pieces of his dream, leaving him in vegetative state.

His wife was with him all the time in the hospital, accompanied him and gave every single thing that he might need. I was touched to see her sincerity and love to this man. She talked to him and treated him like a normal person but she knew that her husband would never can respond to her again. I can see she is as good as a nurse though she is not a nurse who fed him via nasogastric tube and positioned him every four hourly.

I guess this is a pure love which every couple swayed on before get married. If one of the couple fall sick, another spouse should take care of him/her. In reality, most people will choose to run away from this responsibility and see a stroke patient as burden.

There were no other family members with him throughout hospital except his faithful wife. Many people were wondering why his other family members didn't come to visit him and left the responsibility to his wife all alone. A man who knew this man told a story to me when I asked where was his other family members. He said few months ago there wasn't only the wife take care of him. Her mother-in-law or the mother to this man had also came many times to visit him in the hospital. For the sake of the wife, she persuaded her daughter-in-law to leave her son and find other man since she didn't have any child because she knew her son will never be the same as before again and didn't want her daughter-in-law to suffer in this young age. However, the wife got upset and strongly against this. Then, her mother-in-law had no other better idea to make her leave her son by cutting off the source of financial to her. 

When the financial was cut off, the wife still didn't give up her husband easily. She still fought for their love and didn't leave her husband as what her mother-in-law may think of. She found a job to support her husband's hospital fees. From that moment on, she didn't allow any other family members include her mother-in-law to approach him.

Tears rolled from my heart when I heard this. We never know what other people has undergone until we really listen and know more about them. People who really love each other will never leave each other alone though one of them may fall sick. For some people, stroke patient is hopeless but for the wife, he is the hope and reason for her life.

If the mother-in-law really care about the wife, why should she cut off the financial support when she knew her daughter-in-law need support in the toughest time? If she really care about her son, don't she should feel proud and happy because her son has found his true love?

If the wife really care about his husband, why should she stop a mother from approaching her son? 

So, who are really care?

The answers are not from what we see but it is from what they feel. People need time to heal and support from others to undergo this test. If we are really care, we should bless every people in their hard time and not to judge them.